I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
