Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
