no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
