well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
