OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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