The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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