My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
this is an emotional support booty call
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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