no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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