guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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