All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
