I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If I die, sorry about rent.
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