I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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