We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
