Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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