you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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