WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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