Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
