it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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