she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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