her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize