it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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