I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
