I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
