I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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