i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize