Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
