the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
