I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize