My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
