I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
