In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
