i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
