I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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