I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize