We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
