ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
