sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
