i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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