I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?