she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.