You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
