So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
