I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?