# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Boobs are out for the taking
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE