I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize