So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
