it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
