Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
