Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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