I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
not ubering you a puppy
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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