this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize