She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
