The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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