Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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