brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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