My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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