And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
