I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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