so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
