I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
BRING THE BAGELS
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
