Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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