Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
