I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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