I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
