So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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