The brown eye won't let me do that either.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
