My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
