38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
