i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
